Sarah didn\u2019t see it coming.<\/p>\n
A single mom in her late 40s, \u201cSarah\u201d was especially lonely after her divorce (name changed to protect her identity). Her teenager had convinced her to join a dating site, so she created a profile on a popular app. After a handful of dates fell flat, she found Scott (name also changed). He was charismatic, kind. \u201cWe had an instant connection,\u201d according to Sarah.<\/p>\n
They spent hours on the phone sharing their deepest secrets and even started imagining a future together. But after about three months, Scott fell on hard times. At first, he needed to borrow $400 to pay for airfare to visit a dying relative, which he paid back immediately. Over the next few months, the numbers grew to $1,000 for rent and $3,000 for a business venture.<\/p>\n
Repayments for those loans never came, and before long, Sarah had loaned her new love over $8,500. When she pressed him for the money, Scott ghosted Sarah online, moved out of town, and she never saw him again. She didn\u2019t share her story with many people. She didn\u2019t report it. She was too embarrassed and humiliated and even became depressed following what she calls \u201cthe Scott scam.\u201d Painfully, she lost her trust in others.<\/p>\n
Sarah isn\u2019t alone. In the U.S. alone,\u00a0about\u00a070,000 people reported a romance scam in\u00a02022,\u00a0according to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC). Reported losses hit $1.3 billion, with a median loss of $4,400. And with such statistics, those figures reflect only what was reported. How many other \u201cSarahs\u201d in the U.S. got scammed and never reported it? How many worldwide?<\/p>\n
That\u2019s the pain of online dating and romance scams. Feelings of embarrassment and humiliation compound financial and emotional pain. After all, the victims were looking for love and companionship.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s what scammers count on. Yet that shouldn\u2019t stop you from\u00a0a romance\u00a0that springs online. With a strong heart and sharp eye, you can spot a scam and put an end to it before any damage gets done.<\/p>\n
Dating and romance scams can start in several ways. They might begin on dating apps and sites, just like in Sarah\u2019s case. Yet they can happen elsewhere and even pop out of the blue too. Scammers prowl around on social media, texts, and online games by pinging potential victims with an unexpected introductory message \u2014 a sort of digital opening line. In fact, the FTC reports that 40% of online dating and romance scams began with a message on social media, versus only 19% on dating apps.<\/p>\n
With the initial connection made, a chat begins, and a friendship (or more) blossoms from there. Along the way, the scammer will often rely on a mix of somewhat exotic yet believable storytelling to lure the victim in. Often, that will involve their job and where they\u2019re working. Reports say that scammers will talk of being workers on an offshore oil rig, members of the military stationed overseas, doctors working alongside an international organization or working in the sort of jobs that prevent them from otherwise easily meeting up in person.<\/p>\n
With the phony relationship established, the scammer starts asking for money. The FTC reports that they\u2019ll ask for money for several bogus reasons, usually revolving around some sort of hardship where they need a \u201clittle help\u201d so that they can pay:<\/p>\n
The list goes on, yet that\u2019s the general gist. Scammers often employ a story with an intriguing complication that seems just reasonable enough, one where the romance scammer makes it sound like they could really use the victim\u2019s financial help.<\/p>\n
People who have filed fraud reports say they\u2019ve paid their scammer in a few typical ways.<\/p>\n
One is by wiring money, often through a wire transfer company. The benefit of this route, for the scammer anyway, is that this is as good as forking over cash. When it\u2019s gone, it\u2019s gone. The victim lacks the protections they have with other payment forms, such as a credit card that allows the holder to cancel or contest a charge.<\/p>\n
Another way is through gift cards. Scammers of all stripes like these because they effectively work like cash, whether it\u2019s a gift card for a major online retailer or a chain of brick-and-mortar stores. Like a wire transfer,\u00a0when\u00a0that gift card is handed over, the money on it is highly difficult to recover, if at all.<\/p>\n
One more common payment method is reloadable debit cards. A scammer might make an initial request for such a card and then make several follow-on requests to load it up again.<\/p>\n
In all, a romance scammer typically looks for the easiest payment method that\u2019s the most difficult to contest or reimburse, leaving the victim in a financial lurch\u00a0when\u00a0the scam ends.<\/p>\n
When it comes to\u202fmeeting new people online, the FTC suggests the following:<\/p>\n
Scammers, although heartless, are still human. They make mistakes. The stories they concoct are just that. Stories. They\u00a0might\u00a0jumble their details, get their times and dates all wrong, or simply get caught in an apparent lie. Also,\u00a0remember\u00a0that some scammers\u00a0might\u00a0be grifting several victims at once, which is yet another opportunity for them to get confused and slip up.\u202fKeep an eye out for that. Inconsistencies are the watermarks of a scam.<\/p>\n
Lastly, take note that romance scammers have an entirely new set of tricks at their disposal. AI deepfakes. With inexpensive and readily available AI tools, scammers can make themselves look and sound like an entirely different person. All in real-time. As striking as that sounds, keep it in mind. Romance deepfakes now exist in the realm of possibility.<\/p>\n
It once was that if a person didn\u2019t want to hop on a voice chat, it might count as a sign of a scam. That\u2019s no longer the case with deepfake technology in play. Even so, many of the same tried-and-true means of avoiding a romance scam still apply.<\/p>\n
1. Lock down your privacy on social media.<\/strong><\/p>\n Social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and others give you the option of making your profile and posts visible to friends only. Choosing this setting keeps the broader internet from seeing what you\u2019re doing, saying, and posting, which can help protect your privacy and give a romance scammer less info to exploit.\u202fUsing our Social Privacy Manager<\/a> can make that even easier. With only a few clicks, it can adjust more than 100 privacy settings across their social media accounts \u2014 making them more private as a result.<\/p>\n 2. Google yourself, and then remove what you find.<\/strong><\/p>\n Have you ever googled yourself online? You\u2019ll find personal info like your date of birth, previous addresses, names of your children and their ages, your estimated income, and more. This info is collected by data brokers and available for sell to advertisers or worse \u2014 like scammers. Sophisticated scammers use this info to profile and exploit their victims further.\u00a0A Personal Data Cleanup service can help you remove this kind of personal data from the web<\/a>. \u200b<\/p>\n 3. Say \u201cno\u201d to strangers bearing friend requests.<\/strong><\/p>\n Be critical of the invitations you receive. Out-and-out strangers\u00a0might\u00a0be more than a romance\u00a0scammer. They\u00a0might front fake accounts designed to gather info on users for cybercrime, or they can be an account designed to spread false info. There are plenty of them too. In fact, in Q4 of 2023 alone,\u202fFacebook took action on 691 million fake accounts<\/a>. Reject such requests.<\/p>\n 4. Go light on the details in your dating profile.<\/strong><\/p>\n To the extent that you can, provide the minimum amount of details in your dating profile. Granted, this requires a bit of a balancing act. You want to put some info out there to help find a match, yet too much can give you and your location away. Same for your profile pics. Be sure yours have a generic-looking background, rather than anything that might identify where you live, work, or go to school.<\/p>\n 5. Protect yourself and your devices.<\/strong><\/p>\n Online protection software can steer you clear\u202ffrom clicking on malicious links that a scammer might send you online<\/a>, while also steering you clear of other threats like viruses, ransomware, and phishing attacks in general. It can look out for your personal info as well, by protecting your privacy and monitoring your email, SSN, bank accounts, credit cards, and other info that a scammer or identity thief\u00a0might\u00a0put to use.\u202fWith identity theft a rather commonplace occurrence today<\/a>, security software is really a must.<\/p>\n If you suspect that you\u2019re being scammed, put an end to the relationship and report it, as difficult as that\u00a0might\u00a0feel.<\/p>\n Notify the FTC\u202fat\u202fReportFraud.ftc.gov<\/a>\u202ffor support and next steps to help you recover financially as much as possible. Likewise, notify the social media site, app, or service where the scam occurred as well. In some cases,\u202fyou might want to file a police report, which we cover in our broader article on identity theft and fraud<\/a>.<\/p>\nPut an end to it<\/strong><\/h2>\n