It was an ordinary Tuesday after school. Sixteen year-old Allison was texting back and forth with her best friend\u00a0Katie;\u00a0both were trying to analyze if their secret crushes liked them \u201cjust as friends\u201d or \u201cmore.\u201d Every now and then, they’d exchange song lyrics and highlight the lines they loved.<\/p>\n
Then it popped up out of nowhere. Another friend\u00a0texted Allison, \u201cOMG. Go see what someone wrote about you on Ask!<\/a>\u201d Allison felt the dreaded \u201cstomach flip\u201d that escorts bad news. Her hands stung with sweat and her fingers fumbled as she opened the app on her phone to read the comment: \u201cWere you born like that or did the doctor drop you and @#$% your face up? Where do you buy your clothes, Goodwill? Are you serious? No one even likes you.\u201d<\/p>\n The words started to blur as hot tears spilled down her face. The comment was anonymous but Allison knew the girl who posted it. For the next few days Allison didn\u2019t talk much to anyone. Her mother asked her repeatedly what was wrong and her brother and father tried to get her to laugh. She pulled away, snapped at them to stop, and spent the next three days in her room with the music blasting from her earphones. It took about a week to get her to crack a smile and slowly divulge the details of what happened.<\/p>\n Mean girls are nothing new (even Laura Ingalls had to deal with Nellie Olesen in the 1870s) however, the fallout from their meanness has definitely been amplified by mobile technology\u2014sometimes, with tragic results.<\/p>\n The above is a true story (names changed) that a mother recently shared with me. And, it’s a story unfolding in a lot of houses at this very moment.<\/p>\n \u201cI used to be nervous letting her ride her bike to the park, then letting her drive to school. I never thought I would be so fearful letting her use her phone!\u201d the mother confessed. \u201cShould I just not let her have a phone at all?\u201d<\/p>\n My heart ached for this mom. I\u2019ve too have considered taking my kids\u2019 phones away and not letting them own one until they turn 18. The drama, the arguing, the rules, the 24\/7 hodge podge of influences streaming into our home\u2014it gets to me. A lot.<\/p>\n But I know eliminating the phone is not the answer. Taking a phone away from a child today (a digital native) is like taking a car away from our generation and telling us to ride a horse and buggy to work. Technology (in general) is now a predominant social tool, a school requirement, and a factor in a child\u2019s future livelihood. Many of the skills and knowledge our children will need to succeed socially and professionally in a digital world is at their fingertips and shaping them daily.<\/p>\n No, eliminating the phone isn\u2019t the answer. Balance, teaching, monitoring, and coaching our kids through the conflict is.<\/p>\n \u201cI know it\u2019s hard,\u201d I told the mom. \u201cBut, we can do hard things and we can teach our kids to do them too. These mean girl encounters are valuable and will help us raise strong kids who can handle themselves in any situation. The game hasn\u2019t changed, just the tools. We just have to commit to be on our game.\u201d<\/p>\n So I\u2019m writing this for that honest mom I spoke to in the hallway at a middle school this week. And for parents inclined to throw up their hands in surrender thinking their \u201cdigital native\u201d kids can run circles around them when it comes to working technology.<\/p>\n Remember parents, knowing how to \u201cwork\u201d a piece of technology is impressive but knowing the proper way to \u201cuse\u201d that technology in every day life\u2014how to honor people, how to handle conflict, how to preserve self-esteem and lead\u2014well, that\u2019s where the wisdom of the digital immigrant (parents) becomes critical.<\/p>\n My word \u00a0of encouragement to parents today is this: Hang in there. You can do this. Don\u2019t quit. Your kids need you more now than they\u2019ve ever needed you before.<\/em><\/p>\n Toni Birdsong<\/em> is a Family Safety Evangelist<\/a> to McAfee<\/a>. You can find her on Twitter @SafeEyes<\/a>. (Disclosures<\/a>).<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It was an ordinary Tuesday after school. Sixteen year-old Allison was texting back and forth with her best friend\u00a0Katie;\u00a0both were…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":642,"featured_media":203717,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[75,2205,321],"coauthors":[3359],"class_list":["post-31559","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-safety","tag-cyberbullying","tag-protecting-kids-online","tag-social-networking"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n5 ways to help your daughter handle mean girls online<\/strong><\/h2>\n
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