{"id":44931,"date":"2015-08-25T05:00:56","date_gmt":"2015-08-25T12:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blogs.mcafee.com\/?p=44931"},"modified":"2025-08-15T08:48:13","modified_gmt":"2025-08-15T15:48:13","slug":"sad-but-true-asking-for-nudes-is-norm-for-teens","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/family-safety\/sad-but-true-asking-for-nudes-is-norm-for-teens\/","title":{"rendered":"Sad but True: Asking for Nudes is Norm for Teens"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"shutterstock_232940821\"<\/a>\u201cSeriously?” my teen daughter shrieked. \u201cWhat a jerk!\u201d<\/p>\n

With a few angry finger jabs to her home screen she shut off her phone, shoved it into her backpack, and looked out the car window.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is it?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing. It\u2019s gross.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s gross?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I know my daughter well enough to know that she will talk when she\u2019s ready if I respect her enough to drop the subject now. She later told me what my heart already suspected.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe he asked me to send him a picture\u2014a nude one,\u201d she said while we were loading the dishwasher that night. The other details followed. Not only did she not know the classmate very well, he asked the question so casually it made her feel invisible, almost worthless.<\/p>\n

“I don’t get it, mom, why are boys such a-holes? You try to make new friends and get to know someone then bam\u2014out of the blue\u2014a they ask a dumb question like this,\u201d she said now with tears filling her eyes.<\/p>\n

“I’m so sorry, honey. Maybe you could look at it as a gift; a way of fast forwarding and weeding out the creeps from the keepers,” I said.<\/p>\n

\"568a6edc49748778136d4d29a3a909d7\"
Hey, he asked for nudes . . .<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

“I get it, mom. No pep talk, please,” she said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo how do you want to handle it?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

“I took care of it, don’t worry,” she said. She smirked, wiped her eyes, and showed me her phone as if it were a badge of honor. “When we were at the store earlier, I took a photo of a bunch of nude lipsticks and sent it to him. I also told him not to bother texting me again.\u201d<\/p>\n

It seemed as if every sigh I had collected over the past few years released at that moment.<\/p>\n

She handled it. And she handled it well. In fact, she handled it better than I think I would have and I told her that.<\/p>\n

Now all she needed was some TLC and quiet nods of agreement as she ranted.<\/p>\n

I just listened (and resisted the urge to ask a million other questions).<\/p>\n

I also tried not to dive into a pit of worry over the possibility of future episodes. I was just grateful that today, this situation was tackled by a savvy teen whose wisdom showed strong\u2014even shined\u2014in the moment.<\/p>\n

~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sadly, teen boys asking girls for \u201cnudes\u201d (and vice versa in some circumstances), while shocking to parents, is today viewed as the new first base. According to a 2012 study in the Journal\u00a0of Pediatrics<\/a>, sexting is the new norm among adolescents.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s disturbing (even nauseating) to think your child could be asking for pictures or sending them, but if you have a tween or teen, it\u2019s a discussion worth having.<\/p>\n

Family Talking Points<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\u2022 Be response-ready. <\/strong>It\u2019s important to discuss what to do if asked for a nude photo. First, ask your teen what he or she thinks is a good response. Discuss options such as deflecting the request with humor (mixed with firmness) and how to handle the friendship in the future. Also, discuss what to if a request gets demeaning, shaming, or threatening.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Persuasion tactics. <\/strong>If you have a daughter, make sure she recognizes the sly<\/p>\n

lines of persuasion and pressure guys will use. They might minimize the severity of nude photos and say, \u201cCarrie always sent me pictures, what\u2019s the problem? Everyone does it. It\u2019s no big deal.\u201d They might use flattery and say, \u201cYou do have a great body. You should be a model, you know? I bet you could do some bikini stuff, send me a pic in your underwear and let’s see.”<\/p>\n

\u2022 Prevention. <\/strong>The photo conversation is a great time to talk about healthy sexual behaviors, personal values, and abstinence or protection with your teen. Discuss sexual expectations, boundaries, and how to handle difficult situations. Candidly discuss the fact that other people\u2019s values and boundaries will not always match your child\u2019s.<\/p>\n

\u2022 People change.<\/strong> If your teen is in a more serious relationship, remind them that people and circumstances change. Promises get broken, no matter where the trust might be at the moment.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Sextoration<\/strong>. After a breakup, as a bullying tactic, or predator strategy, nude photos are one of the #1 ways to extort others. Often sextortion includes asking for more nudes, wrecking reputations, or even requiring unlawful acts. Sextortion is real and can end in horrific consequences for some teens<\/a> when the shame, guilt and humiliation associated with is simply too much to handle. Discuss this with your kids.<\/p>\n

\u2022 Surrendered control. <\/strong>Once you send an inappropriate photo, you lose all control. If a phone is stolen or lost, photos can get leaked. Anytime you send a risky photo; it is up for grabs\u2014forever, which puts your reputation, self-worth, and even future goals at risk.<\/p>\n

\u2022 It\u2019s illegal. <\/strong>Sending photos via electronic devices while under 18 is illegal. Both parties can be charged with exploitation of a minor and possession of pornography, which could mean jail time and having to be registered as a sex offender. In a 2013 case<\/a> in California over a dozen teen girls sent their boyfriends photos that ended up being circulated to seven different high schools.<\/p>\n

This is a shocking topic for a parent to take in, no doubt. My heart is still reeling just knowing the same phone my daughter uses to text me and do her homework on is also the one that opens up a door to misguided peers. However, you can trust your child to handle him or herself responsibly if you\u00a0keep the conversation flowing in your home.<\/p>\n

Has this issue come up in your family? How have you handled it?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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Her passion for digital safety started 10 years ago as a way to gain the survival skills she needed to parent her own connected teenagers. Her goal with each post is to give busy parents the insight they need raise wiser, more compassionate digital kids. When she\u2019s not writing (her first love), you can find Toni hiking, watching TikTok, or trying not to break an important body part at CrossFit.","url":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/author\/toni-birdsong\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44931","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/642"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=44931"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44931\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":219955,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/44931\/revisions\/219955"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/98197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=44931"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=44931"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=44931"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=44931"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}