{"id":70446,"date":"2017-03-21T07:00:32","date_gmt":"2017-03-21T14:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/securingtomorrow.mcafee.com\/?p=70446"},"modified":"2025-08-26T20:26:30","modified_gmt":"2025-08-27T03:26:30","slug":"help-kids-rethink-sexy-selfie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/family-safety\/help-kids-rethink-sexy-selfie\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Teens Rethink the Sexy Selfie"},"content":{"rendered":"

You just can\u2019t make this stuff up. Who would have thought we\u2019d be spending a chunk of our parenting years helping our kids navigate cyberspace and using terms like “sexy selfie”?<\/p>\n

But here we are \u2014 awkward moments and all.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve learned a lot in the last several years. One biggie: Traditional parenting tactics don\u2019t always work with digital natives. A tween or teens\u2019 vantage point from the cyber trenches is dramatically different than our teen experience. Teens\u2019 motivations, influences, and reasoning is 180-degrees from where we might assume. Helicopter parenting does little to prepare kids to think critically and move wisely online.<\/p>\n

So our task? Seek first to understand our kids\u2019 world. Such is the case with the sexy selfie. You\u2019ve seen the pose: It\u2019s flirty, pouty, and quickly disturbs everything in you as a parent.<\/p>\n

Coming across a way-too-mature photo of your child can sting and makes it tempting (after picking your jaw up off the floor) to slip into protector mode. Protector mode might include a lecture, a swift loss of privileges, or hyper monitoring in the coming weeks \u2014\u00a0punitive action with little understanding or conversation.<\/p>\n

But Wait. Hit Pause.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I\u2019ve learned the hard way to pause and consider before I speak and that a hasty, panic-filled response can damage trust I\u2019ve worked hard to build. I\u2019ve learned to consider (not excuse) my child\u2019s actions within the context of her world<\/em>. Because\u00a0our kids\u2019 connected reality changes so quickly, to be effective, our parenting has to be ready to change as well.<\/p>\n

The Bigger Picture
\n<\/strong>
\n<\/strong>A teen\u2019s digital life today isn\u2019t as black and white as we\u2019d like it to be. Being connected 24\/7 can cause lines to blur and normalize behaviors such as posting suggestive selfies and even sexting. In fact, one study<\/a>, claims sexting has become the \u201cnew normal\u201d for teens.<\/p>\n

While a connected life isn\u2019t a free pass to be reckless and a study doesn\u2019t define the reality of all teens, context<\/em> is important in having key conversations with your teen. Their context is this: Teens daily face a toxic competitiveness online. There\u2019s real pain, real pressure, and a real need to be heard and recognized amid the endless digital chatter. One study<\/a> found that spending more time on social media can add to a child\u2019s feeling of dissatisfaction with all aspects of their lives.<\/p>\n

In an effort to be accepted, affirmed, and identify with various peer groups, teens may naturally begin to experiment and take risks with online behaviors.<\/p>\n

Think you had body image issues growing up? Try walking a mile in your teen\u2019s shoes where body weight determines self-worth and achieving a small jean size is more coveted than a high ACT score. This daily reality can eventually distort even the strongest teen\u2019s self worth and judgment.<\/p>\n

What Captions Can’t Capture<\/strong><\/h2>\n

There\u2019s often more behind a teens\u2019 carefully crafted selfie than meets the eye and we\u2019re wise to look a little closer. A teen\u2019s inner dialogue might sound like this:<\/p>\n

Am I pretty enough in this photo?<\/em>
\n<\/em>Okay, but am I prettier than her?<\/em>
\n<\/em>Do my thighs look thin enough?<\/em>
\n<\/em>What app will fix this?<\/em>
\n<\/em>Will I fit in or look stupid?<\/em>
\n<\/em>Why can\u2019t my eyes pop like hers?<\/em>
\n<\/em>What does my outfit say about me?<\/em>
\n<\/em>Will this one get more likes?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Family Talking Points
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