{"id":76194,"date":"2017-07-25T06:48:21","date_gmt":"2017-07-25T13:48:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/securingtomorrow.mcafee.com\/?p=76194"},"modified":"2025-08-26T01:14:44","modified_gmt":"2025-08-26T08:14:44","slug":"family-tech-rules","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mcafee.com\/blogs\/family-safety\/family-tech-rules\/","title":{"rendered":"Trouble Enforcing Family Tech Rules? Stay on Track with the 4 Cs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Setting and enforcing rules \u2014 especially online safety ones \u2014 can feel close to impossible at times. But there are a few hacks that have helped me stay the course. Like the four Cs, for instance: Consistency, calm, courage, <\/em>and confession<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Consistency<\/em> helps in setting and enforcing rules, being\u00a0calm<\/em>\u00a0comes in handy when an argument escalates, courage<\/em>\u00a0keeps me keep going when I want to quit the whole parenting thing, and confession<\/em>\u00a0helps me apologize to my kids the times I’m in the wrong.<\/p>\n

Note that I haven’t mastered these Four Cs \u2014 or even a few of them \u2014 but they’ve each served me well as I attempt to monitor devices, set tech limits, and handle digital messes along the way.<\/p>\n

Monitoring (and enforcing family rules in general) can feel like a chore or even a battle at times but stay the course, parents, because it matters. The alternative is no rules and no consistency \u2014 which in a child’s mind can\u00a0send the message that he or she isn’t loved or cared for.<\/p>\n

And the most important reason to discipline, any parenting expert will tell you is to teach kids self-control. By imposing rules and limits, eventually (you hope), your child will understand the importance of imposing them on him or herself, which is a huge step toward healthy adulting.<\/p>\n

Just recently I had to apologize to my daughter for lecturing her via text. \u00a0In the past, I’ve taught her that important discussions be done in person. By using one of my Cs \u2014 confession \u2014 I salvaged a family rule, showed humility, strengthened our rapport, and hopefully taught my daughter to do the same.<\/p>\n

Reminders Beyond the Four Cs:<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Love is a valid reason.<\/strong>\u00a0As a parent, you set digital rules and monitor devices not because your child can\u2019t be trusted but simply because you love them. It’s natural to want to put safety and digital wisdom first. There’s no need to apologize for that. Ever.<\/p>\n

Teaching is your job as a parent.<\/strong>\u00a0You may be a nurse, an accountant, or an entrepreneur but if you have kids, you are also a full-time teacher. Parents can’t protect<\/em> their kids from every danger online, but we can prepare<\/em> them to handle those threats. Part of preparing is teaching responsibility (privacy settings, apps), critical thinking (content choices), empathy (kindness) toward others, and digital discernment (contacts, content) online.<\/p>\n

Be candid about privacy.<\/strong> If enforcing digital rules makes your child feel as if you are violating his or her privacy, take the time to discuss the reasoning behind the rules. Acknowledge your respect for your child’s privacy and discuss ways to make sure some areas are kept private \u2014 such as conversations with peers that are personal.<\/p>\n

Remind your child that his or her privacy is part of the reason you monitor. With the increase in video and chat apps, your son\u2019s privacy\u2014 and the safety and privacy of the entire family \u2014 is a genuine concern. Irresponsible posting (location, personal information) can put the whole family\u2019s privacy at risk.<\/p>\n

A phone is a privilege.<\/strong>\u00a0As common as owning a phone is today, it’s never a bad idea to remind your child that a phone is a privilege and with that privilege comes responsibility.<\/p>\n

Remind Yourself:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kids need to connect.<\/strong> Online is where kids connect with their peers. Wishing they would spend the day with friends at the swimming hole every day isn\u2019t reality. They may connect\u00a0with peers differently than you expected, use strange language, banter in questionable humor, and get consumed with things that appear senseless to you. That\u2019s okay. Unless it\u2019s risky behavior, allow them to connect with, grow, and navigate their peer groups without being overly intrusive.<\/p>\n

Independence is the goal.<\/strong> It\u2019s easier to stay the parenting course when you keep your <\/i>goal in mind. Even if you have to put a sticky note on your computer that says, \u201cI\u2019m preparing my child to be an awesome adult,\u201d then do it. The issue isn’t as much about a particular rule as it is about growing little humans into thinking, compassionate, responsible adults.<\/p>\n

Be flexible.<\/strong> If your child follows the digital ground rules, you\u2019ve set and is making strides toward more responsibility, be willing to ease up accordingly. On the other hand, if he or she shows signs of risky behavior such as isolation, secrecy, or disrespect, then don\u2019t feel guilty about more monitoring. You are the parent. It\u2019s your job.<\/p>\n

Spying vs. parenting.<\/strong> If you are upfront with the fact you will be checking devices for risky apps, then it\u2019s not spying it\u2019s called follow through. It\u2019s easy \u2014 especially if you uncover risky behavior \u2014 for your child to try to turn the conversation back on you claiming a privacy breach. Stay calm<\/em> have the courage<\/em> to stand your ground. Focus on the actual issue by stating: \u201cThis is not about me spying. It\u2019s about you having these risky photos on your phone. That\u2019s the only thing I\u2019m willing to talk about right now.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The brain thing.<\/strong> Sounds like a strange reference, but the brain is a huge factor in your relationship with your teenager that is often overlooked. A young person’s brain is not fully developed and won\u2019t be until he or she is 21-24. That means his or her decision-making is going to be inconsistent. Even the most compliant child still isn\u2019t physiologically equipped to make the best decision 100% of the time.<\/p>\n

Show compassion.<\/strong> Your child is struggling simply because of his or her age. Teens can be moody, insensitive, angry, and oblivious to important things. Your job is not to take it personally. Your son or daughter is struggling to fit in, get noticed, discover talents, and to figure out the complexities of relationships. So, remember to balance out your rules with a generous helping of compassion and understanding.<\/p>\n

What are some of the biggest challenges you have enforcing digital rules? How do you handle them? Please share!<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Toni Birdsong is a Family Safety Evangelist<\/a> to McAfee<\/a>. You can find her on Twitter @McAfee_Family<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Setting and enforcing rules \u2014 especially online safety ones \u2014 can feel close to impossible at times. But there are…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":642,"featured_media":149275,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[5073,3949,5096,5098,5097,5095,2205,4222,321,5100,5099],"coauthors":[3359],"class_list":["post-76194","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-safety","tag-conflict-management","tag-cybersafety","tag-digital-parenting","tag-empathy-online","tag-internet-safety","tag-parenting","tag-protecting-kids-online","tag-social-media","tag-social-networking","tag-teenage-brain","tag-teens-online"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFamily Tech Rules<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Family tech rules can be tough to set but even tougher to enforce consistently. 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